That would be totally rad if there were professional trick or treaters out there. They know exactly which costume would maximize candy output from the houses. They have (legally) scouted out all customers at Costco and know who are giving out the best candy. They’d probably own a horse or electric scooter to ensure maximum distance traveled. This could actually be super fun. Maybe I’ll see if anyone needs help this year trick or treating… I digress.

We at the GetOutPass are all about efficiency. Sure, you could go to amusement parks, water parks, ski resorts, arcades, bowling alleys, and tumbling gyms and pay for it every time to run up your entertainment bill sky high! Oooorrrrr you could hop on the GetOutPass and save big. Why would you do that? Because you’re efficient. You make the most of what you have. We’re all about that, here at the GetOutPass. Efficiency is the unsung hero of operations and habits, and you my friend WILL be efficient this year when trick or treating. Your kids are depending on it. Allow me to give you some tips and tricks to go buck wild this Halloween and hoard the most candy possible. Your toddler will think the world of you (not that they don’t already hehe).

1. Neighborhood Choice Is Crucial

The very first thing you must consider is where you will be planning your route. I’m not sure it’s official “Halloween culture”, but you could argue that going anywhere other than your own neighborhood is weird. I have a hard time believing, however, that there are neighborhoods out there experiencing a swarm of candy-hungry trick or treaters to a point where they realize there’s more than usual. So, totally up to you.

When it comes to calculating maximum efficiency, we must consider the legitimate equation below:

                                                           House count / (steps traveled x candy bar size)

With that being said, I see three routes here. The first that you can take is the “richer neighborhoods” that may be giving out larger candies. Could you imagine getting dozens of FULL-SIZE Snickers and Twix? That would be the best night ever. It’s a long shot, and the tradeoff for the nicer neighborhoods is that the houses are typically spaced further apart. Going for the bigger candy bars could mean more walking, and if your town has a curfew on trick or treaters, you’d have a lot of ground to cover up, fast.

You could go the other direction and go for apartment buildings. I’ve never been a part of trick or treating at apartments, but I would imagine they have some sort of thing going on there… right? That’s a ton of homes giving out candy in a small space. Could be the ultimate jackpot.

The perfect medium between the two? Townhouses. You’ve got the best of both worlds: homes that are extremely close with obvious front doors to bring the best result out of the equation above. You may get some houses that are handing out the big candies, and if not, you’re still making great tracks with the house count.

2. Pillowcases for Candy Carrying

Those plastic Halloween buckets do look cute, and they pair well with most costumes, but you absolutelycannot afford a candy holder malfunction in the middle of trick or treating. What happens if that cheap plastic gives out and candy spills everywhere? There will be dozens of vultures dressed as Marvel characters picking the remains in an instant. No, no, unacceptable. The solution to this potential problem? Pillowcases. Pillowcases are easy to hold, they keep people from reaching in and stealing your hard-earned stash, convenient to carry, and doubles as a very intimidating defense weapon should the situation arise.

3. Know What to Avoid

The sketchy van handing out candy down the road where there’s no houses? Yeah, probably not something you want to go check out. When it comes to safety, playing it conservative is always better than going somewhere you shouldn’t. Well-lit neighborhoods with lots of activity is one of the better options for this night. If you’ve got some kids that you’re nervous about wandering off on their own, have one of their older siblings escort them or make sure they stay in groups with you.

It is also good to remember that not everyone in the neighborhood likes the ideas of hundreds of kids going to their homes and demanding sustenance. Some people might even HATE that idea. To them, we show respect by not banging on the door of a house that is clearly not interested in trick or treaters. If you see a house that has zero lights on, no obvious bowl of candy by the front door, or you see a sign in the front yard that says, “Any trick or treaters will be egged on the spot”, I would suggest staying away. The payoff is just not worth the hassle of having egg yolk down the back of your shirt for the rest of the night. Gross. Best case scenario, you get one more fun sized 3 Musketeers, which is the most mediocre of all candies. Fight me on that one if you dare—you know I’m right.

Once the trick or treating is over, do a quick inspection of your kids’ candies that they collected. Some rascals out there may be putting in an odd item or two, including, and I’m not kidding about this one, a copy of the Communist Manifesto. Or, even worse: Almond Joys.

4. Expect the Unexpected

Anything can happen on this evening. You’ll have some teenagers that feel they have the excuse to be annoying. You’ll have some houses that take the scaring of little, tiny children a little too far by jumping out of the bushes with a chainsaw (this happened to me) and scaring them forever. Halloween can be very fun, but it does encourage some rambunctious activities. Be sure to have a rendezvous point or a neighbor’s house that you trust your kids going to should they get separated. Lend them a cellphone to stay in contact with them or have someone responsible go with them for the evening.

Happy Halloween from the GetOutPass!